Our Family in The Family

We are in week three of thinking about the First Principles of the Life of our Community. We’ve seen how the church is the centerpiece of God’s plan. And, it’s a beautiful plan where His glory shines to the world through us. Then, last week, we dug into that concept of the church being a family, a household. We looked at 1 Timothy 3:15, specifically to see how God intends for us to live in the church. Of course, Jesus was at the center, which changes everything when life in the church doesn’t go as God intends. 

Today, we transition to thinking about how our individual families relate to the family of families. The church is a household of households — the small order of individual families is the material out of which the bigger order of the church is built. Disordered homes produce a disordered church, not by accident but by design. God’s designed our individual homes to have an order so that He is the note that we are all tuned to. To put this concept in the form of a question, “What does it look like when a collection of households all belongs to the same Lord?” Paul has an answer in the book of Ephesians. It’s compelling and it starts inside the front door.

You can see that week by week, we’ve envisioned something closer and closer to our front door. We began with a glorious cosmic vision of Jesus glorified through the church, even confounding those rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. Last week, this grand household, the church, showed Jesus in the way we live, supporting all that He stands for. Today, we see this principle: The household code guidelines are Christ’s very design for families that are part of His family, the church, and therefore should be practiced by all churches.

Today, we’re returning to the book of Ephesians. Remember the big picture of that book. It opened with a prayer for illumination to understand God’s plan. And Paul gave us the plan in chapter 3 – it’s the church at the center. In chapter 5, we get guidelines for our individual households. All of this helps us see why we’re calling this the “Family of Families”: A term that helps us understand the plan of how Christ wants His churches to function. Churches are designed by Christ to be a family of families. That is, the church is instructed to organize itself as a large extended family, which is made up of many families. Thus, every believer is a member of the family, yet it does not supersede but rather strengthens individual family units. I’m hoping today, as we dig into these household codes, you are strengthened and the church is built up, as well.

As we begin, let me read Ephesians 5:22-6:9 (This is God’s Word; thanks be to God)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. 5 Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

If the church is a family of families, what is required of individual families in the church? We get lots of help in this section of Scripture. 

First of all, let’s do some work to understand I. The Structure: Household Code. (Haustafel)

We probably should explain some terms to get us oriented. I mentioned the term Haustafel — German term for "household texts." When we’re thinking of these household texts/household codes we envision — A form of writing common in Early Church culture, laying out guidelines for how ideal households and communities ought to function. NT family texts: Eph 5:22–6:9; Col 3:18–4:1; 1 Pet 3:1–7. NT church text: 1 Tim 3:14–16. We dealt with the church code last week in 1 Timothy 3, today we’re dealing with a NT family text. 

It’s important to begin here because Paul wasn’t just dropping some rules on us. He was using a common structure that most everyone in Ephesus would have known and been aware of. Greco Roman historians trace these codes in Aristotle, through the Stoics, and picked up by Paul. Paul is using this structure very intentionally. He’s not merely giving us timeless role assignments. But, these instructions have to do with all that he’s said in the book about how the family is ordered. He’s meddled in the weeds of our life together in chapters 4 and 5 and using these codes to help us understand how counter-cultural God’s family is. 

And, this leads us to see II. The Movements: (which we could summarize as) Valuing Peopleand Giving Responsibilities.

The structure of this large section from 5:22 to 6:9 shows Paul addressing each household member — wives, husbands, children, fathers, slaves, and masters — in a logical order: first the one under authority, then the one in authority. That the rhythm.

I don’t know how you might capture the content here, but the specific broad strokes would be:

- Wives → submit; husbands → love

- Children → obey; fathers → patiently train

- Slaves → obey; masters → treat kindly

(It would be helpful to remember the cultural context, that many Early Church households included servants – think Downton Abbey rather than 19th Century American chattel slavery.)

If we’re familiar with the household codes of the first century world, you can read this and see what Paul is doing pretty clearly. He’s valuing people. He’s elevating wives, children, and slaves as people with dignity, who have responsibilities and choices to make in how they live. Most household codes don’t include these people at all. It would just tell those in authority what to do. But Paul lifts up and mentions these people, even entrusting them with responsibilities.

Further, Paul lays most of the weight on those with authority. Husbands are to love. Fathers are not to provoke their children. Masters are to remember they have a master in heaven. Again, this is so counter-cultural in that world (and ours!). Those with the power would never dream of stooping to care for those they are serving. But, those who have Jesus are distinct and different. Paul, then, even addresses how we might push back on a reading of this text. He’s not simply reinforcing patriarchy but putting the weight on the powerful to act in ways consistent with Jesus. And Paul also orients this entire code as not centering on the rights of individuals, but how we see Christ as central. So, to illustrate this in the marriage context, we’re not simply loving our wives, husbands, but we’re sacrificing our own desires for the good of our family. We love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. And, wives, you’re not being called to be a doormat, forget about your opinions, or lose your personality, (or some other misrepresentation of the truth.) You’re submitting as to the Lord. For both of us in this relationship, we have our eyes on Jesus and this changes everything.

Some easy push back on this passage as being written "only for Early Church culture":

1. Paul's job description was to explain how Christ orders His households. Remember that from chapter 3? He was not set apart for the work of an apostle just to take care of one church in one day at one time. He was sharing a plan (a house law or house order). 

2. Also, The whole purpose of the book of Ephesians is to instruct the church on how to walk. Paul grounds the household codes in a theological reality that's not cultural — the Christ/church relationship itself. Husbands love as Christ loved the church. That's not a cultural analogy; it's the analogy that generates the command. If Christ's relationship to the church is permanent, so is the shape it produces in households.

And, all of this leads to III. The Point: The Gospel informs behavior in the Church.

Yes, we are submitting to one another in v.21 in the immediate context. But the entire context of this book relates to treating one another as brothers and sisters in Christ. The foundation for how we live is on the foundation of the teaching of Christ and the Apostles, with Jesus being the cornerstone. We are anchored in Him first, then the roles come. If we don’t have the Gospel foundation of this book, then these roles are shady or some weird dynamic we can explain away. But, if Jesus is the point, then He is creating a Gospel climate that helps our lives to grow in the church. 

Or, to put it another way, household codes aren't just a set of instructions. They're a picture. And the picture only makes sense when you see who's at the center of it. Paul isn't handing out role assignments. He's showing us what a home looks like when Christ is actually the model. Husbands love the way Christ loved — by giving himself up. Fathers lead the way the Father leads — not provoking, not crushing. Masters treat their people the way the better Master treats His. This passage draws us away from our culture or ourselves to Jesus Himself. And, when homes are actually shaped by Him, we get something. God builds a church that looks like it's supposed to. Because the church is a household of households, a family of families. The order inside our homes isn't a separate project from the life of the church. It's the material the church is made of, with Christ Jesus as the center and cornerstone.

In conclusion, today we’ve seen I. The Structure: Household Code.

II. The Movements: Valuing People and Giving Responsibilities

III. The Point: The Gospel informs behavior in the Church.

Aw we finish this morning, I hope you can see how central Jesus is to everything we are. The Gospel message informs all that we’re about. Today, the pull isn’t to get our acts together and start living in our families in accordance with our assigned roles. The focus is centering in on Jesus, the lover of our soul. Jesus is the perfect husband, father, and master. He loves selflessly all the way the cross. He’s patient with His children, not leading us to anger. And, He’s always mindful of His Father and what He desires ultimately. So, would you center in Jesus. Would you trust Him with your life, believing in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins?

If you’ve trusted Him, new affections and life plans are coming your way. You are set apart to a new community, the church. And, this new community is a place where your family can be built in the order that God has established for the good of all people. All people matter and all have responsibilities. And, these are more than just individual actions or specific families, they are pointing us to being a unique people together in the church. There are some discussion questions in your notes that are helpful for reviewing the content. And, I thought of a couple more to help us go deeper:

Discussion Questions:

• What's one relationship in your home where you could move from following the household code as a rule to following it because of who Christ is in it — and what would that actually look like this week?

• If your home were shaping the church rather than the culture shaping your home, what's one thing that would be different about how you live together?

Today, we’ve seen how living within a believing family impacts the family of families. And, at the center of all this is Jesus. So, let’s press in to know Him, that we might make Him known, and be a people who glorify and enjoy Him forever.